My Immortal w Medium Edit, No Fries
by Inkjoy 300 RT
Summary: Unable to sleep, this fearless author goes where many have before with the rewrite of a well-known Harry Potter legacy. Unfortunately the beautiful, possibly satirical, mess that was the original author's grammar and spelling has been booted out the door to make way for a non-headache inducing script. Other changes will be seen as the story is (sporadically) updated. ANs kept as is
1. Chapter 1

Inkjoy 300 RT- Please note that note all grammar and punctuation may be proper because it is four in the morning. Don't wanna edit this nonsense. Also, insert disclaimer. I don't own/am not affiliated w/ the creators of the official HP franchise or original My Immortal fanfiction.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

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Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony hair, which is what I was named for, with purple streaks and red tips. My icy blue eyes are like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee, the most bitchen singstress with lungs. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I wish I had those major fucking hottie genes, but instead I was born a fish. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale snowy skin, which has given me frostbite on numerous occasions. I still have all my fingers, though my left pinky toe wasn't so lucky. I don't talk about it because it's super sad and tragic. I don't want people to pity me, you know? I'm also a witch, and I go to the ever-prestigious motherfucking Hogwarts in England. I'm in the seventh year because I'm seventeen. I'm a goth, in case you couldn't tell, and I wear mostly black. Okay, I only wear black, but also lighter shades of black tinted with other colors. If it looks neon, that's only because you are fake and your eyes lie to you to help maintain your stupid prep delusions. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example, today I was wearing a pitch-black lace corset, a noir leather miniskirt, pink-tinted black fishnets and mourning garment-colored combat boots. I was wearing Stygian grey lipstick, white foundation, black as the endless void we are forever trapped drifting through eyeliner and red-tinted black eye shadow.

I was walking outside Hogwarts in the snow and the rain. There was no sun, which I was very happy about. The sun is very bad for me because it turns me into dust and nothing, unless I don't want it to. Most days I want it to though. Life is hard as a goth vampire fish witch. A lot of preps stared at me, so I gave them the bird. I bit my thumb in their general direction. I know the law was on my side.

A voice shouted my name, "Hey Ebony!" I looked up. It was (dramatic pause)…. Draco Malfoy! He was sitting on a second story window ledge, waving a pale arm for my attention. I don't know whose arm it was. Both of his were still attached.

"What's up, Draco?" I asked. I hoped he was offering the arm as a snack. I'd fed recently but my hunger wouldn't be quenched. My vampiric nature was ever the ultimate consumer, never satisfied.

"Nothing," he said shyly.

I heard my friends calling for me. I had to go away, my time wasted.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up to the chill of snow and the sound of rain again. How fortuitous.

My coffin's soft inner lining was hot pink-tinted black and it's exterior was dark as my soul. Bats were carved onto the sides, looking spooky and foreboding. I didn't care. They didn't scare me. I was inside the coffin where they couldn't see, not that it'd matter. They were fruit bats though, because I'm not a cliche poser prep. I got out of my coffin cautiously, making sure not to brush against any of the winged demons.

I changed into my mourning garment-colored combat boots, an upside down pentagram necklace, and a black leather dress over inky black fishnets. I would never forget my heritage. I put four pairs of earrings in my finned ears, and prepared to greet the day. I started by pulling a well-hidden bottle from [REDACTED]. The insatiable hunger was a difficult burden to bear, but no more difficult than the crushing weight of knowing your childhood friend's death could have been avoided... I'm sorry, Maven.

My friend, Willow woke up then and grinned at me, pulling me from my painful memories. She stared at me. Her grin did not waver. Her eyes got wider and wider and I was caught in her green gaze. When I thought her eyes would fall out of their sockets, she got up and flipped her long waist-length raven black hair, as if nothing happened. She'd added pink-tinted black streaks to her hair for breast cancer awareness month and never got around to removing them. They made her look less inhuman, somehow. She put on a Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini skirt, fishnet stockings, and pointy high-heeled boots. We finished our morning routine, putting on our totally gothic makeup to match our totally gothic outfits.

"GFMO, I was uoy gniklat ot Draco Malfoy yadretsey!" she said excitedly. I think I know she said.

"Yeah, what?" I have no idea what she said.

"Od uoy ekil Draco?" she asked as we left the Slytherin common room.

"Ekil? Kill? I have no reason to kill Draco," I'm confused. Though if he teased me with another tasty severed limb like he did yesterday, I might reconsider my lack of reason.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. She knew me too well. That's why she's my best friend. I might have to end her but... No. It's too soon for that pain. Forgive me again, Maven.

Just then, Draco walked up to me. He just walked up to me, like that was his right to do. It's like he couldn't tell I was busy reliving the emotional trauma of sucking a loved one dry like a Pacific Cooler Capri-sun on a hot day. The sexy bastard.

"Hi." he said. He had such a way with words.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. Praise Baphomet, I am smooth.

"Guess what." he commanded.

"You don't command me." I rebelled.

Things are awkward now.

"Well, a cult of deranged cultists in Hogsmeade are planning to give the giant squid wings," he told me. "They're hoping the squid will rule the skies with kindness and spread terror to lesser beings."

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. "That was my idea first, those fucking poser idea-stealing whatevers!"

"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Inkjoy 300 RT - I hate these short chapters more than I hate dialogue. After this, it's gonna be two chapters to one.

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

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On the night of the ceremony I strapped butterfly knives to my black lace-up boots because I didn't have any high heels. I could fold them in when my feet hurt. Genious. Tastfully shredded just above them were red-tinted black fishnets. I'll always be part fish. It's just destiny that fishnets are mad gothic styles. Am I only into this aesthetic for the fishnets? I put matching fishnet on my arms. Then I put on my shark suit. I got to thinking of my poor little toe lost to frostbite. A pox on my complexion for being so snowy. I listened to an audio file of Morgan Freeman reciting the names of everyone who died in the drowning of Atlantis. I put so much black eyeliner on the shark face. I wish I'd thought to put eyeholes in this. Then I put on some black lipstick. Again, I'm not sure if I actually got the sharks mouth. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. A pox, I say. Also, sharks have naturally beautiful skin that makes foundation so unnecessary.

Draco was waiting outside the grounds in front of his 'Back to the Future' inspired hover car, painted pitch as the comforting void black of course. He said he was wearing simple dark hooded robe and a squid mask. He had to tell me because I forgot to put eyeholes in the shark mask.

We challenged Aragog and his children to some serious drift racing on the way down to Hogsmeade but he was a coward who knew nothing of fair competition.

We came into the secret meeting cold and covered in spider blood. It had been a tough race that was difficult to escape. Aragog would be tending wounds for a very long time.

According to Draco, the majority of people here were dressed as some manner of aquatic creature. I was excited. This was the closest I had ever been to joining a club and the only club I'd found that wasn't filled with Preps. Disgusting, Aber Zombie Preps.

The air here was humid and smelt like salt. I had to fold my shoe knives in, because they were sinking into the mud. I could hear people gathering in one spot. As Draco guided me their way, I caught the scent of not quite right copper. The scent got stronger the closer we got. My stomach clenched itself in want, and I was really uncomfortably aware of my perfectly straight teeth. A sacrifice had been made to summon the giant squid out of it's lake. The chanting began. I do not know how I knew what to say. Things that sounded like words dripped from my lips like a monotonous rain. I had no control. It was unbelievably sexy.

The sounds of splashing and bubbling started up to the right of me and a ringing started in my ears. I continued chanting. Something slapped against the ground multiple times, splashing mud and thrashing wildly. The ringing got louder, like it wanted to be heard over all of the racket. It started to sound like words. It started to sound like a warning. The ringing ended when the thrashing sounds got closer, like it didn't want to be heard anymore.

The squelching started then, in the middle of the cultists gathering, and the chanting got louder. The smell which made my insides twist got stronger. No longer were my words a monotonous rain. Now thunder and lightening crashed from my lips in a storm of uncontrollable magic.

The shark head was pulled from my head. Draco was in front of me, looking extra goth.

I was ticked off.


End file.
